Mr. Farmer Joe

I couldn’t quiet decide from his texts if this guy was Mormon or gay. Either way I figured it would make for an entertaining first date so I took him up on his offer to tour his farm and drove 20 miles outside of town to see what country life was all about.

We chatted for a bit at his place before jumping in his truck and starting the tour. He rattled off big, impressive numbers and figures the whole time, being sure to make it very obvious that he was loaded. He showed me his private pool house he just had built, which was double the size of my apartment mind you. And then for the finale he took me to see the momma cows so I could witness a calf being born.

Yep, you read that right.

Let’s just say I was so traumatized that as soon as we got back to his place I said a quick goodbye and beelined it to my favorite bar. Unfortunately even 7 shots of whiskey and sex with a stranger couldn’t burn that image out of my head.

If you were hoping the cute and fuzzy newborn thing was going to get my panties wet, you were sadly mistaken.

On second thought, if he had Jameson readily available he could have been the lucky stranger I threw caution to the wind for. Who knows. Maybe I should text him and suggest it for next time.

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